What took you so long to discover that one in a relationship could be INCAPABLE of listening to the other? In 34 years of marriage counseling, why have I only recently discovered that one of the couple is “incapable” of listening. I often ask myself that question whenever I make a new discovery. My answer is always Gillette. Why did it take Mr. Gillette and his staff one hundred years to get the idea that two blades would shave more effectively than one? Why did it take me so long to discover the thirty most common issues in troubled marriages to shorten the time from years of marriage counseling to seven months to resolve all thirty issues? Why did it take another year to discover the eight causes for those thirty to shorten the time to three months to resolve the thirty issues? The only answer that makes any sense is that it takes the human brain a long time to make certain discoveries. Now that I have made the discovery, I can use it to better the lives of others.
The key to the discovery is the application of a personality conflict. In my experience, we humans have at least a possible 430 personality conflicts. A couple in marriage usually have between fifty and one hundred of those 430. My discovery was that the couple with one incapable of listening to what the other was saying was influenced by one personality conflict. A personality conflict occurs between two different personalities. In this case it was the personalities of the wife and the husband. Can we cure a personality conflict or will it go away? No. So if the personality conflict is causing one to be incapable of listening to the words of the other, what do we do? What I did was build a bridge over the reactions stopping the conversation of the couple so they could each listen to the other and get all the facts. From the facts each was able to hear or understand the other and communication was complete. The communication produced more love and happiness for the couple.
Watch for the next article on examples of how one might use this method of building bridges.