When is the wife responsible for her husband having an affair? I’m not talking about her not providing enough sex so that he finds it elsewhere. What I’m referring to are much deeper dynamics.

“Infidelity is the most common reason for divorce or separation and it’s difficult to treat in therapy.” When the wife understands the dynamics of which I’m speaking, separation or divorce might not be the wisest decision. Changing the focus of the marriage might.

If she were married to a man having the entitlement personality, then she chose a man who would most likely feel entitled to a wife and as many sexual affairs as he wanted. That is a defined personality that affects only 12% of the population. If she instead married a man in the other 88% of the population, how could she be the cause of him cheating on her?

Statistically speaking, in 2016 the lifetime prevalence of extramarital sex was 16.3 percent of American men at midlife. By age 70, that lifetime prevalence increases to 26 percent. The reasons given are low sexual and relationship satisfaction, high sexual desire, and lack of love. Infidelity is the most common reason given for divorce or separation and it’s a difficult issue to treat in therapy.

Would childhood sexual abuse be one dynamic of why a wife could be responsible for her husband having an affair? That would depend on the age of the girl at the earliest time of the violation and her non-rational decisions drawn. What kind of therapist would be needed to discover such dynamics?

What if the girl’s father had cheated on her mother? How could this have caused the present-day wife to be responsible for her husband having one or more extramarital affairs?

Infidelity is not as simple as one might think. It is not simply the straying of a spouse. Would it be smart to divorce a husband when it was the wife that caused that cheating? Would it be wiser to change the focus of the marriage? To what?

Lane Stokes is a specialist in helping couples understand the whys of infidelity and the hows of marriage. If it is the wife that causes the infidelity and she divorces so as to remarry, might she not cause infidelity in the next marriage?

Contact Lane at [email protected] or call 404-487-1956 before making decisions about infidelity.

Lane A Stokes, LPC [email protected] 404-487-1956