Why Couples Fight
Couples argue. That is normal and healthy. Some couples fight. That is not normal or healthy. When couples argue, it is because one or both do not feel heard and use anger to emphasize the point. For non-assertive individuals, argument is very healthy because it allows them to be heard or understood, perhaps for the first time. When couples fight, it is not to emphasize a certain point because neither knows what the point is. The fight is usually based on old feelings from an old event triggered by a present event. The old emotions stored in the unconscious mind are stirred up making the couple feel the emotion. The emotion is not necessarily anger. It is often sadness, fear, helplessness, hopelessness or could be anger. When the person feels that old emotion, he or she reacts and that reaction is most often interpreted by the other as anger. Then that other feels anger and throws up some subject that upsets the other. Many a marriage has ended because of fights that have no resolution. The couple simply gets tired of being angry at the other too much and get a divorce to stop the tension.
The key is that the fight is perpetuated from the unconscious mind that only a professional counselor trained in psychoanalytic or psychodynamic therapy can address. So, if you are in a close relationship and find yourselves fighting often about something that you cannot resolve, you must hire a professional counselor to help you discover what that issue is so that it can be resolved.
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