Unconscious Attitudes

 We all transfer beliefs and attitudes from childhood unconsciously to our present relationships. One found in most marriages is the accusation that he or she says that whatever I do is not good enough. She says to me, the counselor, “He tells me that whatever I do is not good enough.” I tell her to turn to her mate and say that to him. She does and most often he will say, “I never say that to you.” Then I ask her “Who in your childhood used to say that to you?” “Oh”, she says, “My mother used to tell me that all the time.” Ever since they got married, which could be 10 years or more, she has actually believed that her husband has been saying that to her in word and action and never knew it was something from her childhood. Believing it was coming from her husband, she had experienced hurt feelings, had started arguments and many times had given him the silent treatment for days. This is just one example of an old belief or attitude that can wreck a marriage. Without a marriage counselor to point it out, couples can live in misery for years or get a divorce because of it.