Senior Sex Fun
Orgasm should never be the goal of sex. Unfortunately, it is when we are young so that when we are older we don’t enjoy sex at all. If you have read my “Two Before One Sex” article you know that I believe sex should be holding, stroking, kissing, and tasting for a long time before ending it all with orgasm.
Kama Sutra is also a great way to enjoy sex as long as the man can maintain an erection. When the erection wanes, so does sex. Even women have gotten into seeking the goal of orgasm and they too don’t know what to do when the man can’t get it up anymore.
Women often have their ability to have an orgasm stolen by medications, especially SSRI anti-depressants. When orgasms end, does your sex life end? It doesn’t have to. As you will soon learn, orgasm wasn’t really the most important thing you did.
Orgasm Isn’t The Most Important Part Of Sex
What nobody tells us when we are growing up—or we don’t pay attention– is that at some point the man will stop having erections—and then orgasms. Viagra and injectables might work for a while, but at some point the man won’t be able to get it up with a crane. It is a cruel joke because the woman has no such impediment. She can enjoy orgasms till age 100 if she has the interest.
So, when the couple who has built their entire sex life on the man’s erection discovers that the thing is dead permanently, they stop having “sex fun”. The man usually can have an orgasm with a longer time of self-stimulation or that of his wife or a vibrator, but impatience and shame gets in the way.
The man feels such a need is detrimental to his manhood and the woman isn’t very sympathetic. This I find amusing. How many times after the man had his orgasm did he have to keep stimulating her until she had hers? Now, he needs that extra stimulation and she is too impatient to give it. They seldom even learn to have sexual pleasure of any kind.
The man could continue stimulating his wife with his fingers, tongue or the many kinds of sex toys, but he experiences a hormone problem. With age, testosterone production slows and a little known enzyme takes away the effect of the testosterone so that he loses sexual desire. Many men continue to have the desire or at least the habit to kiss, but many women are turned off by those unenthusiastic kisses and avoid them and him.
Can seniors continue to have “sex fun”? Absolutely.
Actually, it is necessary that they do. Sex and intimacy are very important to the marriage relationship both physically and psychologically. It is imperative that the husband and wife continue to get in bed and get naked and make skin contact.
Remember, the skin will always feel good when touched by the skin of the other person. The old “joke” was: What is the biggest sex organ in the body? It was not the breast or penis but the skin, all 15 pounds of it. The memory is also very important in having sexual fun and pleasure.
When orgasm was the goal, did he chase his wife around the bedroom or house to take off her clothes? The act of doing that causes sexual excitement and pleasure because it is the memory that takes charge.
Was spanking a pleasure back then? It will still cause excitement and pleasure after the man’s penis is dead. Was taking a shower or bath together part of the fun? Was washing one another’s hair? Was coupling under the covers a special treat? Was doing it outside part of the excitement? Think about what gave those extra thrills back then. Orgasm wasn’t the only special event.
It is wise when we are young to invest in our older years of sexual fun. Do as many things as you can to enjoy sex before orgasm. By doing so, men can enjoy sex as long as their wives do. The Christian ideal of marriage is that the two should become one. Sex and intimacy are the two most powerful forces that continue to make intimacy in love possible.
Talking about intimacy and sex after orgasms end is a particular difficult problem for a lot of older couples. I’m good at getting the conversation and juices flowing again.
Lane A Stokes, LPC, SMHC, M.Div, MS, CPE
Marriage Counselor and Mental Health Specialist
Counseling Services Atlanta Group