NARCISSISTS
Brief Version
The great majority of narcissist men are incapable of having a relationship of intimate love. This is because they believe that they are entitled to have anything they want. Whatever the live-in or wife does to enhance the relationship, he accepts without appreciation as his entitlement. I, like most therapists refused to treat this population for years. Then I discovered the secret to success. Even this method is still very difficult for the client, but it does make success in having a loving, intimate relationship possible.
If you are a narcissistic man who wants to be in love like other men or you fear the failure of divorce, call me and let’s talk about what you will need to do in order to succeed.
The Long Version
Many of my favorite clients are narcissists. Narcissists are blessed with abilities to make lots of money and acquire many things, but they are not blessed with the ability to succeed at love relationships. There are exceptions. The way that the majority retain a wife is most often by giving her beautiful clothes and jewelry, a mansion in which to live with the best of décor, an expensive car and country club membership to enjoy her friends at her leisure. Likewise, they buy the favor of children by expensive gifts, fashionable clothes, the promise of an expensive car at age 16 and the best college education money can buy. All is well until the wife tires of money and things and desires love. That’s usually when he trades her in on a new model of youth who loves money and things. But then the narcissist regrets the divorce because a divorce means failure, failure is negative and narcissists cannot fail. Because of this he will try to succeed in marriage. That can be very difficult.
Wives of the narcissist will become unhappy over time without knowing why. In marriage counseling it becomes my job to help the wives define the reasons for their unhappiness. The man is usually happy because nothing changes for him, except that he must listen to the complaints from his wife. He came to believe early in life that he was entitled to have anything he wanted. When you study the lives of narcissists you see this trait. They usually get what they want. In marriage, getting their desires can be a conflict with the desires of the wife. People ask me if the narcissist can change. Yes, he can come to understand how others feel and make some adjustments in his actions. Basically, however, he cannot change his belief that he is entitled to have anything he wants. Unfortunately, when the wife finally defines what makes her unhappy about him, divorce or separation occurs. Separation is more desirable for the wife because she does not want to give up the good life of what his money can buy. If she has children she wants him to send them to the best schools and colleges. Very often, she will take a career for herself or develop interests to take her away to some happiness of her own. Thus she settles for a loveless marriage.
I used to think there was no hope for narcissists in marriage. But then I discovered something that worked. Now I could bring husband and wife together in a love relationship acceptable to both.
If you suffer in marriage with a narcissist and want a happier life, contact me. Many counselors simply refuse to work with narcissists. Most who do use a caustic approach. My style is more loving and patient. Go to the home page and fill out that form to contact me for a complimentary consultation or appointment. There is no need to waste the rest of your life unhappy in love.
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