Marriage and subsequent Family has been the foundation of societies all over the world for centuries, serving as the glue that has held diverse groups of people together and has given stability to communities. Many are saying now that marriage has changed, that it is no longer important, that infidelity is acceptable, that marriage is no longer needed to legitamize children or hold societies together. I disagree with all these opinions.
The thing that every person wants most is love and marriage is its best expression. I believe in Christian marriage as the best form of union. First of all, it is Christ that is love and everything he teaches is love. The traditional Christian marriage vows state the important ways that a man and a woman, man and man or woman and woman are to love one another. Christian love in unconditional. It is a promise of each individual to love the other even when that other does not love in return. It is a promise to always choose the one chosen everytime one feels the need to choose. The two promise to love each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and always love the other exclusively. In this unselfish love each finds the best expression of self. And it takes years for this kind of love to grow to maturity. It’s amazing how two cannot explain why they got married until later when each begins to see how this one person is perfect for one’s needs and wants.
Marriage is trust. Without trust there is no real marriage. Each entrusts all his or her dreams, fears, shortcomings, hopes, weaknesses, strengths without fear of those being betrayed to others by his or her mate. That’s why adultery (watered down to “infidelity”) is so destructive. Sharing personal information with another man or woman causes the betrayed one to never quite trust or entrust valuable feelings and facts again. And betrayal is not only sexual intercourse; it is sharing one’s aliveness, concern or care that belongs exclusively to one’s mate. It’s not that marriage has changed. It is that married people have lost touch with the sacred nature of the union.
It is true that marriage has become more difficult because so many text instead of talk with vocal cords. Texting has no voice inflection, body language, eye contact or expression of emotion. Because of texting, snap chatting, and other means of non-vocal conversation, couples are finding it harder and harder to communicate love that marriage requires.
As long as couples fall in love and want a continuum of that love, marriage will thrive. And may I say that in order to enjoy the best marriages, couples need the help of good marriage counselors. It is absurd to think that two people with no training in psychology can make the most complex relationship on earth work well. The couple can talk, but they will never understand the real causes of conflict or how to discover, eradicate or control them. Much of today was decided years before in decisions and beliefs that live in the unconscious mind. Be sure to read the next article on the need for counseling.