How To Bring Back Intimacy In A Marriage – Dance For Sex                          


One of the common challenges I see for married couples is how to bring back intimacy in a marriage. Sex & intimacy is vital for a vibrant and loving marriage. Regular sex produces feelings of closeness, well-being, energy, focus, fun, self-confidence, productivity and aids in building intimacy.

In the beginning of a relationship sex is fun, easy, and exciting as the “love chemicals” flood the bloodstream. When the love chemicals begin wearing off, sex happens less. Due to other things like fear of rejection, tiredness, stress, arguments, boredom and so forth couples tend to lose interest because they do not know how t0 get back “those loving feelings”.

Couples must find effective ways to keep sex alive in relationship. The longer a couple is married, the harder it is. As a Marriage Counselor of 31 years, I’ve come up with a few creative ways to make having sex easier and more exciting.


Increasing Intimacy Between Husband & Wife

“Dance for Sex” is one of my “inventions”. It is used to overcome the excuse of “I’m too tired” that is so common in marriage. Women once had the market cornered for this excuse but with our fast-paced society and stress produced by so many endeavors—like work—men now have the right to decline a sexual invitation from their wives. How does one overcome this objection? “Dance for Sex” is a great way because even when our minds tell us that we are too tired, our bodies are seldom too tired when warm skin and genitals rub together.

Neither has to know how to dance. The couple designates a room in the house or apartment for dancing. They purchase CD’s good for slow dancing, maybe those remembered from High School proms. A good sound system is placed in the “dancing room”.

Safe places to burn big candles are designated. When one or the other wants sex, he or she lights candles and turns on the romantic music in the “dancing room.” Then he or she dons the sexiest thong or nothing. Anticipation starts the juices flowing.

Let’s say it is the wife who wants the sex tonight. She approaches her husband all comfy in the recliner, watching a ballgame and says “Wanna Dance?” They have agreed to do this previously and know the rules. He says, “I’m really too tired, but I’ll try.”

She leads him to the romantic music and dim lighting and takes off his clothes and hers. Then she snuggles up to let the body parts come to life. This “combustion” can create spontaneous sex better than any “kept in her silver box” from the beginning of the relationship.

Lane A Stokes, LPC, SMHC, M.Div, MS, CPE

Marriage Counselor and Mental Health Specialist

Counseling Services Atlanta Group

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Honesty, communication, and understanding provide the foundation for a nurturing and professional relationship. This allows my clients to easily use their new skills with confidence.