CAN A MAN FEEL HIS WIFE’S EMOTIONS?

Ask a man what he is feeling and he will say “I feel good” or “I feel bad”. Ask a woman and she will specify “sad, happy, frustrated, embarrassed, angry, helpless, guilty, hopeless, etc.” For men, most emotions are expressed in anger. If he feels sad, he gets angry. If he feels scared, he gets angry. Feeling helpless makes his anger explosive. When his side loses a football game he won’t allow himself to feel sad, embarrassed or guilty. Hell, no! He gets angry and growls, “We will beat them next time.” Can you imagine a football player saying to another, “Oh, I’m feeling so sad and helpless.” No, he will suck it up as his coach demands and say, “I’m gonna wipe that guy out next play!” We teach our children that “big boys don’t cry” and call them sissies when they do. Many parents shame their daughters into not crying for any reason. Thus, we have become a society that supresses emotions.

Then the boy falls in love and his girlfriend complains ” I never know what you are feeling; show me your emotions.” He has no clue. How could he? Then he learns to tell her what he thinks she wants to hear. “I’m so glad we met” (not, I’m happy) or “I feel frustrated” (not angry). Everything he says about emotions are rational statements. When she wants more than the words, he gets confused. What does she really want?

What does the woman really want? She wants evidence in her own feelings that he feels what she is feeling. This is impossible for men who don’t even know what they feel. One of my biggest challenges as a marriage counselor is to teach the man how to feel what his wife feels. Of course, I have to begin by teaching him how to feel what he feels. Then I must teach him how to feel what she is feeling. It’s a mammoth task. Fortunately, I had three years of intensive training in learning how to feel what both I and my clients were feeling.

Why does it matter if one mate knows what the other is feeling? After all, it seems that most men never learn to feel what their wives feel. True, but it could prevent most arguments and fights that turn into nasty divorces. It would prevent couples from settling for “an arrangement” instead of the deep, intimate relationship they sought in the beginning. Being able to feel with the other insures “that lovin’ feeling” to prevail most of the time. Read in my website https://counselingservicesatlanta.com how the 11 modules define what a good marriage is. A couple could score all “10’s” by knowing how to feel with the other. Learning to feel what the other feels has great benefits.

For those who live in Georgia, USA, and want to learn how to feel what your mate feels, contact me at lanestokes18@yahoo.com. I can join you by seamless, confidential video in the privacy of your own home.