3 Ways to Succeed at Home and Work



From my research and work with couples I have learned three things that help couples in relationship as well as people in business communicate better. One of the most confusing issues with communication is when the person hears our words but the feelings that are projected do not match. Salespeople lose many prospective buyers because of this. The incongruity of words and feelings cause distrust and that alone is enough to make the prospect back away.

  1. The first discovery is that one’s basic personality can stop effective communication immediately. Let’s say the basic personality is “controlling”. If the other person is sensitive to being controlled by others in their lives like a parent or teacher, that person is turned off and wants to get away. That can stop a date from being made or a sales conversation. There are many different basic personality types.

  2. We all grow up thinking that our emotions are well defined. For instance, if I am crying or blue it is because I feel the emotion of sadness. If my jaw and fists tighten I feel angry. But over a lifetime our personal experiences cause us to change the definitions of our emotions. When I then think that I am communicating that I feel sad, I can actually emit feelings of fear or helplessness. This incongruity between words and feelings confuse the hearer and often causes distrust.

  3. The latest discovery is the “triggering” of emotions. This is much like the triggering of emotions talked about by Sigmund Freud pertaining to the unconscious mind. Life experiences cause one emotion to trigger another. For instance, a person can express positive words of joy and have a memory that causes joy to trigger hopelessness. The person then thinks that he or she is expressing joy with his or her words when the feelings emitted are actually hopelessness. Sometimes one emotion triggers several others and chaos ensues.

This information was first used to improve personal relationships and marriages, then it was applied to business. We all grow up focused on rational communication with words and learn little about the feelings that give meaning and force to those words. I now offer a ten session training course for $2000. to teach couples and business persons how to understand and use their emotions to quickly increase successes. The first five sessions teach how to understand and use emotions. The last five sessions apply what is learned to correct old failures. The beauty is that once the course is completed, the couple or say, salesperson, can apply what is learned to understand what caused the last debacle. Salespersons use it to quickly learn what they should have done so they can apply that at the next call with a prospective buyer.

For more information or to schedule beginning the training, contact Lane Stokes at lanestokes18@yahoo.com.