Male Rape

Male Rape is often more traumatic than rape of a female. Both sexes experience the nightmares, flashbacks, lack of sleep, lack of focus, shame, anger, rage, grief, loss of emotional control, guilt and helplessness. Where force or violence was used in the rape, hopelessness and despair are common. For months to years, thoughts about or memory of the rape cause the body and mind to be controlled by the same emotions they felt during the assault. Relationships and marriages can be easily destroyed. Loss of self-confidence can destroy careers as well.

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For the male, however, the shame is greater in proportion to the strength of his ego as are his feelings of helplessness. Men often perceive their rape as a loss of manhood. This is the same effect that bullying has on young boys who identify with manhood. For centuries, the female has been expected to be submissive and helpless, and most women have accepted that lot in life, even into the twenty-first century. Men, on the other hand, have never been expected to be submissive outside of the gay community. Fathers do not teach their sons to feel helpless, but to fight that urge and be strong. For a man to be stripped and raped is a terrible, shameful experience. To be forced at gunpoint to take off his clothes is more shameful because it signifies a sense of helplessness foreign to manhood. This affects his self-image, self-confidence and self-esteem in ways not experienced by females. Even when the man drinks too much and gets raped at a party, finding out about it later, his reaction is often worse than it is for a woman.

Men are no more able to forget the experience of rape than are women. When the victim does not work through the rape in professional therapy, triggers will, in most cases, cause a loss of emotional control for the rest of his or her life. Reading self-help books can be disastrous. Participation in a rape support group led by a non-professional counselor can be problematic. Without therapy by a professional, healing will take much longer than most victims want. Emotional conflicts existing before the rape can greatly exacerbate healing. The first step is to find a therapist that you like and trust.

I invite you to begin that process by contacting me, Lane Stokes, at 800-989-8037 or [email protected] for a free consultation. You will find me to be kind, compassionate, non-judgmental and easy to talk with.