Flip for Sex
Sex is vital for a vibrant and loving marriage. Regular sex produces feelings of closeness, well-being, energy, focus, fun, self-confidence, productivity and aids in building intimacy. In the beginning of a relationship sex is fun, easy, and exciting as the “love chemicals” flood the bloodstream. When the love chemicals begin wearing off, sex happens less. Due to other things like fear of rejection, tiredness, stress, arguments, boredom and so forth couples tend to lose interest because they do not know how to get back “those loving feelings”. Couples must find effective ways to keep sex alive in relationship. The longer a couple is married, the harder it is. As a Marriage Counselor of 31 years, I’ve come up with a few creative ways to make having sex easier and more exciting.
“Flip for Sex” is one of my “inventions”. It is used to overcome the fear of rejection that is so common in marriage. Traditionally, the man is supposed to be the instigator of sex. That is easy in the beginning of a relationship. All he has to do is look at her and she starts ripping off his and her clothes and they do it right there on the floor or kitchen table. After a few months, however, usually six, things change. Just looking at her no longer works. She no longer wants him to jump her bones anytime day or night. Now he must ask. Too many times she responds with “I’m too tired, I’ve had a rough day, I’m not in the mood or It’s my time of the month.” He feels rejected. Before long, he stops asking. Now he wants her to initiate but he doesn’t tell her that and the stalemate begins. The stalemate can create lots of problems such as feelings of resentment and anger to name two, and these are the “unknown causes” of many an argument or fight. Habitual arguments and fights are often the beginning of divorce. So, “Flip a Coin” to stop the progression of unhappiness.
The best is when he or she feels Horney. He or she approaches the other with a quarter and says, “Wanna flip?” They previously agreed to do this and know the rules. “Sure”, the other says and he or she flips it. This has immediately taken away the “man has to instigate problem”. Let’s say she calls heads and heads it is. She has to instigate right then. She can do it by kissing him, stripping him or her, leading him by the hand to the bedroom or kitchen table or anyway she chooses, but it has to be right then. This is spontaneous sex like in the beginning and the creativity of it can be more exciting than anything in the beginning. Either knows that saying “no” to flipping could be a huge loss of mutual fun and pleasure, so the rule is to never say no.
Lane A Stokes, LPC, SMHC, M.Div, MS, CPE
Marriage Counselor and Mental Health Specialist
Counseling Services Atlanta Group LLC